You may have heard the cliche, “If you love someone, you have to let them go.” This phrase always seemed to make sense, and I probably have even said it to try to help someone, but until a few months ago, I didn’t really know how difficult it is to live it. Over the past year, our family has had to “let go” of several loved ones --each in very different circumstances. Through each situation, I have learned valuable lessons about love, peace, and trust.
When their children are born, parents know that eventually they will have to let go of them. I always thought that time would be when our children went to college or married. But for us, the time came much earlier than we thought. For about a year, our 11 year old son had been having occasional headaches. In October 2010, after a CAT scan, the doctor told us he had a golf ball-size cyst in his brain. Within an hour, he
was transferred to Buffalo Children’s hospital. A neurosurgeon examined Stephen
and the MRI results. He would have to do brain surgery, however, Stephen had a
severe ear infection, so we had to stay at the hospital and wait a week before surgery could take place. A week after being admitted to the hospital, we kissed Stephen and chose to let go of him so the neurosurgeon could drill a quarter size hole in his skull and puncture the cyst so it would drain. Any surgery carries risk – and brain surgery even more so. Throughout the week and especially during the surgery, an overwhelming peace surrounded me. Each time the doubts and fears would start to creep in – God’s word would combat the feelings that threatened to strangle us. His power was stronger than the “What ifs..?” We knew that God loves Stephen even more than we do and that, no matter what the outcome, we could trust Him to be there to guide us through. We slowly started to learn that both of our children never were really
“ours” – they were and always will be God’s children. God has given us the privilege and responsibility of raising them for a short time. We need to trust Him and rely on Him for the strength and wisdom to do the job correctly!
Five months later, my mom injured her back. Her spinal cord was wedged between her vertebrae, causing severe pain in her legs. Surgery was scheduled in a few weeks, but in the meantime the family had to take
over her responsibilities. One of those responsibilities was caring for her mom.
Our grandma had lived with my parents for several years because she had
Alzheimers. One night before the surgery, grandma fell out of bed. Her head was
cut and shoulder/arm bruised to the point where she would barely move it. She
was in the hospital for a couple days, but we knew that she could not go back home because we could not care for both my mom and my grandma. We made the heart wrenching decision to move grandma into a nursing home. Although we all knew that it was the best option and was only five minutes away, we felt like we had abandoned our grandma. Each visit, we had to leave her again. This time, letting go meant
battling with feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Once again, Scripture was my
weapon against the barrage of accusations that tried to suffocate me. Through
His word, God reminded me that she was His child and that He loved her even more
than we did. She was not alone; He was with her. His peace and trust in His
sovereignty were yet again the answer to overcoming the emotions that weighed us
down.
Soon after, we once again found ourselves in the hospital, waiting for a loved one to have surgery. My mom’s surgery would involve replacing three of her vertebrae with titanium rods and screws. The risks were great –she could be paralyzed. By now, the “What if?” parade of thoughts was almost familiar. I had to let go, but without fail, God’s peace enveloped us and I was able to trust Him for the outcome. Her recovery was slow and difficult the first few weeks, but each day gave me more opportunities to rely on God’s word to keep me from panicking or giving up hope.
Just as before, each anxiety and uncertainty brought to mind a new verse
of encouragement or strength.
Less than six weeks after my mom’s surgery, my grandma’s condition had deteriorated.
Possibly because of a stroke, she was now unresponsive. Family was called
in and we had to let go of her --for the last time. My grandma was a believer –
it was her faith that first revealed God’s love and character to me. We knew she
was now in the presence of her Savior, but her absence here on earth left an
empty place in our hearts. This time letting go meant coping with joy and grief
simultaneously. She has given us many wonderful memories and left an incredible
legacy. She took care of us for a long time. We took care of her for a short
time. But God always was and always will be taking care of her. Knowing this
gives us peace amidst our sorrow and strength to continue our lives without
her.
Finally, two months afterwards, we “let go” of Stephen again. He
took an 11 day trip to Jamaica with his Boy Scout troop. This was an exciting
and nerve wracking experience for us. We were thrilled that he had the
opportunity to serve and learn in another country – but it was a long time to
go without seeing him or even talking to him. God proved Himself faithful once
again-- by upholding us with comforting verses when we were anxious or missing
Stephen.
Did each experience make it get easier to “let go”? Not really.
Our human-ness gets in the way, with our passions striving to control our
thoughts and actions. Through these times, God has shown us just how powerful
His Word is -- stronger than any emotional roller coaster of fears, doubts,
grief, anxiety, or negativity that threatens to defeat us. “Letting go”of
someone means reaching for God’s hand so we can let Him guide us through the
difficult times.
.
When their children are born, parents know that eventually they will have to let go of them. I always thought that time would be when our children went to college or married. But for us, the time came much earlier than we thought. For about a year, our 11 year old son had been having occasional headaches. In October 2010, after a CAT scan, the doctor told us he had a golf ball-size cyst in his brain. Within an hour, he
was transferred to Buffalo Children’s hospital. A neurosurgeon examined Stephen
and the MRI results. He would have to do brain surgery, however, Stephen had a
severe ear infection, so we had to stay at the hospital and wait a week before surgery could take place. A week after being admitted to the hospital, we kissed Stephen and chose to let go of him so the neurosurgeon could drill a quarter size hole in his skull and puncture the cyst so it would drain. Any surgery carries risk – and brain surgery even more so. Throughout the week and especially during the surgery, an overwhelming peace surrounded me. Each time the doubts and fears would start to creep in – God’s word would combat the feelings that threatened to strangle us. His power was stronger than the “What ifs..?” We knew that God loves Stephen even more than we do and that, no matter what the outcome, we could trust Him to be there to guide us through. We slowly started to learn that both of our children never were really
“ours” – they were and always will be God’s children. God has given us the privilege and responsibility of raising them for a short time. We need to trust Him and rely on Him for the strength and wisdom to do the job correctly!
Five months later, my mom injured her back. Her spinal cord was wedged between her vertebrae, causing severe pain in her legs. Surgery was scheduled in a few weeks, but in the meantime the family had to take
over her responsibilities. One of those responsibilities was caring for her mom.
Our grandma had lived with my parents for several years because she had
Alzheimers. One night before the surgery, grandma fell out of bed. Her head was
cut and shoulder/arm bruised to the point where she would barely move it. She
was in the hospital for a couple days, but we knew that she could not go back home because we could not care for both my mom and my grandma. We made the heart wrenching decision to move grandma into a nursing home. Although we all knew that it was the best option and was only five minutes away, we felt like we had abandoned our grandma. Each visit, we had to leave her again. This time, letting go meant
battling with feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Once again, Scripture was my
weapon against the barrage of accusations that tried to suffocate me. Through
His word, God reminded me that she was His child and that He loved her even more
than we did. She was not alone; He was with her. His peace and trust in His
sovereignty were yet again the answer to overcoming the emotions that weighed us
down.
Soon after, we once again found ourselves in the hospital, waiting for a loved one to have surgery. My mom’s surgery would involve replacing three of her vertebrae with titanium rods and screws. The risks were great –she could be paralyzed. By now, the “What if?” parade of thoughts was almost familiar. I had to let go, but without fail, God’s peace enveloped us and I was able to trust Him for the outcome. Her recovery was slow and difficult the first few weeks, but each day gave me more opportunities to rely on God’s word to keep me from panicking or giving up hope.
Just as before, each anxiety and uncertainty brought to mind a new verse
of encouragement or strength.
Less than six weeks after my mom’s surgery, my grandma’s condition had deteriorated.
Possibly because of a stroke, she was now unresponsive. Family was called
in and we had to let go of her --for the last time. My grandma was a believer –
it was her faith that first revealed God’s love and character to me. We knew she
was now in the presence of her Savior, but her absence here on earth left an
empty place in our hearts. This time letting go meant coping with joy and grief
simultaneously. She has given us many wonderful memories and left an incredible
legacy. She took care of us for a long time. We took care of her for a short
time. But God always was and always will be taking care of her. Knowing this
gives us peace amidst our sorrow and strength to continue our lives without
her.
Finally, two months afterwards, we “let go” of Stephen again. He
took an 11 day trip to Jamaica with his Boy Scout troop. This was an exciting
and nerve wracking experience for us. We were thrilled that he had the
opportunity to serve and learn in another country – but it was a long time to
go without seeing him or even talking to him. God proved Himself faithful once
again-- by upholding us with comforting verses when we were anxious or missing
Stephen.
Did each experience make it get easier to “let go”? Not really.
Our human-ness gets in the way, with our passions striving to control our
thoughts and actions. Through these times, God has shown us just how powerful
His Word is -- stronger than any emotional roller coaster of fears, doubts,
grief, anxiety, or negativity that threatens to defeat us. “Letting go”of
someone means reaching for God’s hand so we can let Him guide us through the
difficult times.
.